What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
15.06.2025 00:00
I don,t even have a pension.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Why did my ex move on so quickly?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
So whats the point in blame.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
How can we understand the mind of a Trump supporter?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
What is the difference between anxiety and depressive neurosis?
He knew the spot.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She was in good health!
Jamie Dimon: The economy could ‘deteriorate’ soon - CNN
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
But it wasn’t much.
Put me off passion for life!!
Why do some people believe that Homelander would be no match for Superman or Thor?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Can you name an example of bad parenting?
Who then, do I blame.?
I was seconnd youngest,
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
How can I decorate my house creatively?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Why do so many guys love anime girls?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Im still living with it.
He resisted the act ,that day.
What is your review of the Redmi 9A? Is it worth buying?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I could never make a relationship work though!
How could Trump, with his deplorable garbage supporters, manage to win an election?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She loved him until the end.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
What is the most ridiculous obviously false verse in the Bible?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I was scared of men, in general
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But, we were locked up after school.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
My life is so biszare .
This is soul school!.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She wouldn,t have been !
So, i spoilt her more .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I was very sick at this time too.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
My family never makes their pension either.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I waited trembling.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She found it foreign!.
Comes on , in middle age.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
One cannot live in the past .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
It was going to be , some day.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I said to her
Ive learnt so much.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
(And it was in our own minds.)
As i do to all so called friends.?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And i lived it daily.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Why did i forgive my father ?
I write beautiful poetry .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But ive been too sick for many years..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I was 9 years of age.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
What did i know ?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I never cut or harmed myself..
I will be 64.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I have no regrets .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
All the time i was locked up.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She married twice! .
We were not on the streets..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
When she asked me how she looked .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Would this be the day?
I think the readers, may guess!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
We all went to grammer schools
On the 31st of Jan this month .